


Our Failing and Our Falling

by Thornmatt



Series: Beware Ye Well The Calling [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-04-12
Packaged: 2018-05-31 08:44:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6463531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thornmatt/pseuds/Thornmatt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kierana Amell was born with the brain of a scholar, the courage of a knight, and the stubbornness of a mabari. Those who know her best say she has a natural talent for combat spells, a propensity for handsome templars, and a habit of finding trouble wherever she goes. Growing up in a gilded cage, Kierana learns the hard truths about magic, love, and death. When saving the life of a friend ends in betrayal, Kierana is thrust out of the home she has known all her life and into an unfamiliar world filled with more wonders and horrors than she could ever imagine.</p>
<p>With the fate of the world resting on her shoulders, Kierana isn't sure she's ready to do what is needed to save it. She isn't a fool. She knows that not every story has a happy ending, and that sometimes, the hero must make the ultimate sacrifice in order to save the day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Maker's "Gift"

**Author's Note:**

> Dragon Age is the property of Bioware. I do not own any of the characters, plot lines, dialogue, or lore taken from the series. All original characters belong to me.
> 
> All comments and critiques are welcome.

Kierana was barely two years old when she, her father, and three of her brothers left their home in Kirkwall and journeyed to Starkhaven. She remembered almost nothing of her life prior to the Circle. She knew her mother, Revka, disappeared shortly after giving birth to her baby brother Nohlen. By then, the Amell family name had been tarnished in Kirkwall with gambling, corruption, and the taint of magic spoiling the once noble and powerful lineage.

Hoping to escape the tragic curse of the Amell line, Bram, Kierana’s father, had gathered up his remaining four children and fled Kirkwall in hopes of making a better life. But the Maker’s wrath followed them to their new home in Starkhaven when Philliam, one of the twins, manifested magical abilities. Bram was overcome with grief. Philliam was the second son he had lost to magic, but he would not be the last. A little over a year later, when the family was living outside of Markham, the tainted blood of the Amells resurfaced when the other twin, Joffrey, accidentally set fire to a neighbor’s field. Like his two brothers before him, Joffrey was turned over to the templars where his new life would begin.

Desperate and determined to hold onto his two remaining children, Bram journeyed across the Waking Sea to Highever. Kierana was four years old and loved the stories her father told her on their two week long voyage. Bram was grateful when they reached land. He took his two young children and headed out into wilderness, leaving the cities behind. Bram was trained as a doctor, but found few customers in the Ferelden countryside who could afford his rates, so he often took small jobs laboring on local farms. He doted on his youngest children, so happy that at least his little girl and one of his boys was safely by his side.

As Kierana’s sixth birthday approached, Bram prayed to the Maker each night to spare what little of his family was left. His oldest boy, Rylen, had manifested his magical abilities after he had turned six years old, and the others hadn’t been much older when theirs came to fruition. Bram pleaded with the Maker to leave his children be, but his prayers were not answered.

Kierana was almost seven years old the day a group of bandits came to their home. Bram had been outside working in the yard when the men had rode up on horseback. They had demanded he turn over what little coin he had. Her father was no fighter and obliged, hoping the men would leave without hurting anyone. He had not counted on the fact that Nohlen would step out of the house at that moment.

Nohlen was five years old, going on six, and had long, dark brown hair. He had inherited his mother’s emerald green eyes and small, round, heart-shaped face. The bandits took one look at the young boy and had mistaken him for a girl. They’re lips curled up and their faces contorted until they seemed almost demonic. One of the men commented that he hadn’t had something that beautiful and pure for a long time. Bram realized their intentions and tried to step in between the men and his young son. He was struck in the face hard by the hilt of a sword. One of the men held him down while another lunged and grabbed Nohlen by the collar of his shirt.

“He’s a boy!” Bram yelled. “Please don’t hurt my little boy.”

“Beggars can’t be choosers,” one of the men hissed. “A hole is a hole.”

They ripped Nohlen’s shirt and pushed him to the ground, their large bodies surrounding him like wolves on a fallen ram. Kierana was standing in the doorway, her eyes wide in horror. The men hadn’t noticed her yet. Her father and brother were screaming and crying.

Nohlen cried out for his father. Nohlen cried out for her. Kierana felt utterly helpless. Had she been the heroine of one of the stories her father recited to her each night, she could do something. If only she were stronger. If only she were powerful. If only…

Kierana felt a strange sensation in her hands, like tiny lightning bolts were coursing under her skin, filling her blood and bones with a static humming. She closed her eyes and prayed to the Maker to take the lightening she felt caged inside of her and to use it to strike down those horrible men. The Maker answered her prayers.

The bandits surrounding her brother and father convulsed and screamed in agony as electricity coursed through their bodies. Bram took advantage of the momentary interruption and crawled over to his little boy, cradling him against his body and shielding him from the electricity that was charging in the air. He tore his horrified gaze from the tormented men and forced himself to turn towards the opened doorway. He knew even before he had lain eyes on his little girl that it was she, and not the Maker, that was the source of this frighteningly powerful spell. Kierana stood with her hands stretched out as tiny bolts of electricity danced between her fingers. Her light brown eyes were wide and full of awe. Her lips were curled back, all of her white teeth shining bright in a wicked grin. Bram looked away, kissing his baby boy’s head as the tears ran down his cheeks. The Maker had taken another one of his children. He cursed Him and his missing wife, for it was His gift and her blood that had sentenced his children to a lifetime of servitude.

  
“Magic exists to serve man, and never to rule over him.  
Foul and corrupt are they  
Who have taken His gift  
And turned it against His children.  
They shall be named Maleficar, accursed ones.  
They shall find no rest in this world  
Or beyond.” --Transfigurations 1:2 

The templars arrived at dawn, their knocks hard and quick on the door. Kierana hid in the corner with Nohlen, wishing that she could make the house disappear. She knew Papa was right. Mages belonged in the Circle and having seen her brothers taken away before, she knew what was expected of her. She closed her eyes and prayed to the Maker. Papa said there are no accidents in the Maker’s eyes and that even magic is a gift from the Maker. Kierana just hoped she could figure out what the Maker’s plan was for her.

Her father turned away from the fire he had been tending to all night. It had been a bitter cold night. Nohlen had cried himself to sleep, curled up in his sister’s arms. Kierana had stayed awake watching her father sob silently across the room, the weight of his grief weighing heavy on her shoulders. Kierana almost called out to her father. _Don’t open the door, Papa!_ But she bit her lip and stroked her brother’s head. May the Maker watch over him and Papa when she went away.

Her father pulled the heavy wooden door open and greeted the templars. They kept their voices down, but Kierana listened intently. She was only able to catch a few, brief words. _Electricity. Bandits. Killed._ The three men stopped whispering, and Kierana’s father beckoned her over. Kierana nodded her head like a good little girl and stepped out of the shadows. She tried to release Nohlen’s hand, but he refused to let go so he followed her over to the door.

“She’s not dangerous,” she heard her father say. “She’s only a child. She just wanted to… She was just saving her little brother.”

Kierana and Nohlen stood next to their father, staring up at the templars.

“How...How do you do?” Kierana greeted, her voice coming out as little more than a whisper.

The templars were tall, broad-shouldered men and very intimidating. Their armor was shiny and silver and glinted under the rising sun. The taller of the two men wore a frown on his face, his muddy brown eyes looking down at her as though she were a bug he wished to squash beneath his boot. His face was clean-shaven, and his dark blonde hair was straight and styled back away from his face, with the tips brushing the tops of his shoulders. He was all sharp edges and hard lines. He terrified Kierana.

The other man was much softer. He had bright, blue eyes, the color of the sky, and dark brown hair that he wore short and sheared at the sides. His face was scruffy, like Papa’s, with a thin layer of hair covering his chin. He knelt down until he was the same height as Kierana and smiled at her. He held out his gloved hand, his presence warm and inviting. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Kierana. My name is Daniel.”

Kierana stared at this strange man. He was not like any other templar she had ever seen before. She glanced up at the other man whose eyes were narrowed and scary. She looked back at Daniel and shook his hand. “It’s a pl-pleasure to m-meet you to-too,” she said, admiring how much larger his hand was than hers.

Daniel’s smile widened. “Such manners. Are you sure you’re only six years old?” He teased.

Kierana frowned and scrunched her eyebrows. “I’m almost seven,” she mumbled.

“I’m four,” Nohlen said, holding up three fingers.

Daniel laughed. “And so big!” Nohlen grinned proudly. Daniel turned back to Kierana. “Do you know what’s going to happen now, Kierana?”

Kierana looked up at Papa. His eyes were red and swollen. He was trying not to cry again. She nodded her head. “I have to go to the Circle. Like my brothers.”

“Brothers?” Daniel asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Mhmm, they were all mages too.”

“I-I see,” Daniel said. Papa looked away. “Do you know why mages have to go to the Circle?”  
“Magic!” Nohlen piped in. “Magic!”

Kierana nodded her head in agreement. “Because the Maker gave me magic, and magic is meant to serve man and not to rule him.” She had heard the Chantry lines a thousand times, but never did she expect them to be about her.

“Very good. You are a very smart little girl.”

Kierana grinned proudly. “Papa says I have the brain of a scholar. I love to read. Do you like to read?”

Daniel’s face softened. “I love stories, though to be honest, I don’t read books very much. No time.” The other templar snorted. Daniel ignored him. “Maybe you could tell me stories on our way to the Circle.”

“Doggle-Boon! Doggle-Boon!” Nohlen cheered. The tale of The Doggle-Boon Behemoth was a favorite of theirs, and Kierana could recite the tale from memory.

“Doggle-Boon?” Daniel asked.

Kierana grinned. “He means the Doggle-Boon Behemoth. It’s our favorite story. Papa reads it to us each night before we go to bed.” Her voice cracked, as tears began to well up in her eyes. She didn’t want to leave Nohlen and Papa. Going to the Circle meant never seeing your family again. She had seen how hard it was on Papa when her brothers had gone away. She chewed on her lip, forcing back the tears. She would not cry. She would put on a brave face and be happy so Papa wouldn’t be sad. “Are there other children in the Circle?”

Daniel nodded his head. He admired this little girl who he knew must have been very frightened. Anyone in her shoes would be, but she didn’t show it. “There are plenty of children in the Circle. I’m sure you’ll make lots of friends.”

Kierana forced a smile. “Isn’t that good news Papa? I’ll finally have someone else to play with aside from Nohlen.” It was a lie. She absolutely adored her little brother. She would be happy just to spend the rest of her life with Nohlen and Papa by her side. A sudden thought occurred to her that gave her a glimmer of hope and lit up her face. “Do you think my brothers are at the Circle?” she asked.

Daniel’s smile fell as he glanced up at the stoic face of the other templar. “I’m sorry, Kierana.” He paused, trying to think of the best way to explain it to her. “The Chantry prohibits family members from being in the same Circle. I’m afraid your brothers must be elsewhere.”

Kierana’s heart dropped. “Oh.”

“Don’t cry, Wana,” Nohlen said, squeezing her hand. “I come with.”

Before Daniel could interject, Kierana turned to her brother and shook her head. “No Nohlen. You heard Sir Daniel. You can’t come with me.” She saw tears well up in her baby brother’s eyes. She forced another smile. “But that’s okay because I have a very important job for you to do here.” Nohlen looked up at her with watery, but intrigued eyes. He hated being treated like a child and was desperate to grow up tall and strong like Papa. Kierana used this knowledge to her advantage. “Papa is going to be very lonely without me around. There will be no one for him to tell stories to or to help him in the garden or on the farm. You’ll have to be Papa’s guardian now, Nohlen. I want you to watch over Papa and keep him safe and happy. Do you think you can do that?”

Nohlen nodded his head forcefully. “I important.”

“Yes, very important,” Kierana confirmed. She heard her father whisper her name in a broken voice that tugged at her heart. _Oh Papa…_

“Daniel, it’s time,” the other templar said, speaking up for the first time.

Daniel nodded at the other man before turning back to Kierana. “Well, shall we be off, malady?” he asked, extending his hand once more to her.

Kierana looked at Daniel’s hand before turning to her father. Papa bent down and gathered her and Nohlen up in his arms, kissing Kierana’s hair, eyes, cheeks, and lips. His lips went to Kierana’s ear. “Listen very carefully, Kierana. No matter what anyone says, your magic does not make you a bad person. Your magic is a gift from the Maker, and it's what you do with that gift that defines what kind of person you are. Trust in yourself and trust in the Maker. I love you so much, and when the time comes, I will meet you again by the Maker’s side.” He pulled back and kissed her again.

Kierana couldn’t stop the tears from falling. “I love you too, Papa.” She turned to Nohlen who was sobbing. He was little, but he knew what the men in armor meant. “I love you, Nohlen. Be a good boy and take good care of Papa.”

Nohlen rubbed his red eyes with his tiny little fists. “Love you too, Wana.” Her father scooped Nohlen up in his arms and held him against his chest. His last child. His last reason to live.

Kierana wiped her tears away with her sleeve and grabbed the bag her father had packed for her. Daniel took Kierana by the hand and started to lead her away. More tears came to replace the ones Kierana had wiped away. She paused a moment, before turning back to her father. “One moment,” she said, slipping her hand free and reaching into her bag. She pulled out a her favorite book, a large collection of children’s stories. She ran back over to her father and handed the book to Nohlen. “I already know all of these by heart. Whenever you read them, think of me.” She stood up on her tippy toes and kissed her brother’s cheek, before turning back to the templars. Daniel smiled as she slipped her hand back into his.

As she was led away, she stole one last look at what was left of her family and watched as her father drop to his knees, his sobbing loud and mournful. She knew her old life was over, and that she would never see her family again.

* * *

Kierana fell in love with Daniel the week they spent on the road. Daniel was full of fun stories and loved to make her laugh. He told her stories of his own childhood, how he was an orphan in Denerim and turned to stealing to get by. He once tried to steal from the charity box at the Chantry in Denerim and was caught. Somehow, Daniel had managed to convince the Chantry mother to take pity on him and to help him receive templar training. Daniel was a natural and with his quick reflexes, his sharp wit, and his charming smile, he had managed to complete his training and become a full-fledged templar.

The other templar, Friedrich, was a stern man who did not enjoy Daniel’s stories. He sighed and frowned the whole trip there, and Kierana often caught him rolling his eyes whenever Daniel spoke. Friedrich was not a mean man, but he cared little for socializing with others and never spoke directly to Kierana unless he was giving her an order.

Kierana’s legs grew tired on the second day of walking, and she was thankful when Daniel offered to carry her on his back. Friedrich shot a disapproving glare at his armored comrade, but Daniel paid it no heed. He knelt down and let Kierana climb on his back, and once, even let her sit atop his broad shoulders as they walked through a crowded market so she could see everything.

Kierana liked to tell Daniel the stories she knew by heart. She told him stories about ancient elves and sang dwarven bar songs, much to Friedrich’s horror. Daniel asked her how she knew so much about other races, and Kierana explained that she loved to read. Daniel told her she seemed quite young to be reading such advanced literature, but she just waved him off. “If I ever don’t understand something, I just ask Papa. He helps me with the hard words.” Kierana felt the tears well up in her eyes and tried to force them back. She had promised herself that she wouldn’t cry.

Daniel smiled at her affectionately. “Well, now you can ask me if you have any questions.” And she did. Kierana was so curious about everything and absorbed knowledge like a sponge.

“Why don’t dwarves dream? Have you ever met a dwarven mage? Is it truly impossible?” she had asked Daniel on their fourth day of travel.

Daniel had laughed as Friedrich sighed… _again_. “One question at a time please.”

Kierana frowned. “Fine. Why don’t dwarves ever become mages?”

Daniel tapped his chin with the tip of his finger as he pretended to contemplate her question. “That’s a good question. Truthfully, no one knows the exact reason why, but the winning theory is that dwarves have lived in close proximity to lyrium for so long, that they’re immune to magic.”

“What’s lyrium?” Kierana asked.

“It’s a rare mineral found underground that has magical properties. Mages use it to channel and fuel their magical abilities. Templars, like Friedrich and I, use it to help combat a mage’s magic.”

“So will I ever have to use lyrium?” Kierana asked.

“Probably, but only when you’re stronger and much older.”

Kierana nodded her head. She looked at her feet as they walked, her teeth chewing on her lip. “Have you ever seen a demon, Ser Daniel?” she asked suddenly.

The two templars stopped walking and turned to look at the young girl.

“Why do you ask?”

Kierana looked away in shame. “Papa said that magic was so dangerous because demon would come to mages in their dreams and try to take over their body. When I dream, will I see demons too?” She looked up at the two templars, her amber eyes pleading.

“Yes,” Friedrich answered, surprising both Daniel and Kierana. “You most certainly will.”

Daniel glared at his comrade. “But that’s why mages go to the Circle, Kierana. So they can learn how to fight off the temptations of demons. You’re a strong and smart little girl. You won’t have any trouble.”

Friedrich snorted. “Daniel, you are a fool if you think intelligence and strength will keep the demons at bay.” He turned to Kierana, his face set in a grim line. “Demons will come to you, Kierana. They will offer you power and will promise to grant you whatever it is your heart desires. They are always lies. Demons will say or do whatever it takes to weaken your resolve so they may use your body as a way to escape the Fade. You can train your entire life to fight demons, and all it takes is one little mistake, and you become an abomination. In the end, the only thing that will keep the demons away is you and your will.”

Daniel frowned. “Friedrich, that--”

“Thank you, Ser Friedrich,” the little girl said, smiling. “I promise to do my best.”

The older templar fought off a smile. “Let us be on our way.” He turned and walked on.

Daniel looked down at Kierana and smiled and winked. He extended his hand to her, and she took it with a smile and flushed cheeks.

* * *

The warm and pleasing scent of fresh baked goods lingered in the air. Kierana felt her mouth water as they passed by a small bakery. She tried to ignore her hunger, but her growling tummy gave her away. Daniel glanced down at her. “Are you hungry, Kierana?”

She shook her head no. She didn’t want to be a nuisance. Her stomach growled again.

Daniel laughed. “I think your stomach disagrees.” He noticed the bakery sign and grinned. “Would you like a sweet cake?”

Kierana felt torn. On one hand, she very much wanted a sweet cake. On the other hand, she didn’t want to be a burden to Daniel. He was so nice and handsome and funny, and she was just a silly little girl with a loud tummy. “No thank you,” she said, looking at her feet. Her old shoes were worn in and a hole had started to form near her big toe. She frowned. Her shoes were not going to survive the journey.

“Well, I’m starving. What about you, Friedrich?” Daniel turned to his comrade in arms.

Friedrich grunted and walked past Daniel into the bakery. “I’ll take that as a yes. Come on Kierana. We should get ours before Friedrich buys the whole place out.”

Kierana laughed and follow Daniel into the bakery. It was a small shop with a lone woman manning the counter. “What can I get for ya, Ser Knights?”

“One loaf of bread, some butter, and two sweet cakes,” Daniel ordered. “Friedrich?”

“Cookies,” Friedrich said. Kierana giggled into her hands and looked away when Friedrich glared at her.

“And a couple of cookies.”

“Comin’ right up,” the woman said. She eyed Kierana for a moment before smiling. “Now what’s a pretty little one like you doin’ wit’ two templars?”

“She’s an apostate,” Friedrich said. _Apostate?_ It was the first time Kierana had heard the word said aloud, and Friedrich spat it out like it had left a bad taste in his mouth.

The woman frowned and took a step back. “A little young, ain't she?”

“We’ve had younger,” Friedrich stated flatly.

“I guess ya never can tell just by lookin’ at ‘em,” the woman commented, turning away.

Kierana looked down at her worn shoes and wished she could disappear. She felt a hand squeeze her shoulder. She looked up at Daniel, who gave her a smile, before leaning down and whispering in her ear. “That old harpy is just jealous of your beauty. She’s worried a gorgeous girl like you is gonna steal her husband away.”

Kierana’s heart fluttered as she smiled and stifled a giggle. Daniel winked at her, and her grin widened. Papa had warned her that people would look down on her for her magic, but Daniel saw nothing but good things when he looked at her. She smiled wistfully at him. Maker, he had stolen her heart.

Kierana was thankful when the terrible woman handed Daniel their sweets, and they paid and left. She was relieved when they stepped back out into the cool autumn air. The days and nights were getting colder, and winter was breathing down their neck. Part of Kierana hoped they didn’t reach Kinloch Hold before the first snowfall. She loved playing out in the snow with her brother and Papa. She was not looking forward to spending a long and lonely winter locked away in some tower.

“Kierana,” Daniel called, interrupting her negative thoughts. “Here you go.”

Kierana squealed in delight as she took the sweet cake from Daniel. She quickly lifted the dessert to her mouth before pausing. “Thank you, Sir Daniel,” she said, politely.

Daniel smiled. “You’re very welcome, Lady Kierana.”

Kierana smiled and bit into the deliciously sweet cake. Daniel and Friedrich spoke among themselves while Kierana ate in silence. They were close to Kinloch Hold, about half a day away, and would be there by tomorrow evening.

The loud laughter and yelling of children drew Kierana’s attention. She looked over and saw a group of young boys chasing a stray dog down one of the alleyways. They were waving sticks and throwing rocks at the poor frightened creature. Kierana looked to Daniel and Friedrich. Did they not notice the poor animal’s cries? She swallowed the rest of her sweet cake before running after them. She knew she was risking getting into trouble, but she would be damned before she let something happen to a poor and defenseless animal.

The boys had turned off into a dead end. The stray dog was backed up against a wall, its back arched and mangy fur bristled. The poor thing was baring its teeth and snarling, snapping at any boy that dared get near it. The boys were laughing and pelting rocks. One boy swung at the poor dog’s back with a thick stick. The dog yelped before turning and snapping. The boy laughed and jumped back.

“Stop it!” Kierana ordered, stepping into the alleyway.

The boys turned and looked honestly surprised by her presence. The shock wore off fast, and one of the boys who was taller and older than Kierana stepped towards her. “Mind your own business,” he shouted, shoving her roughly to the ground.

Kierana’s palms stung. She looked down at them and saw blood where the rocks had cut them. She felt her body go cold as her anger washed over her. The dog cried out as one of the boys grabbed it by its back leg. Kierana stood up quickly and slammed her body into the boy holding the dog. He released the dog as he fell to the ground.

“You bitch!” The older boy yelled, raising his hand to hit Kierana in the face. She closed her eyes and put her palms up to block his strike and was surprised when none came. She heard the other boys gasp and opened her eyes slowly, wondering what had happened. Her eyes widened as she caught sight of the boy in front of her. His entire body was covered in ice, like a life-size ice sculpture. His hand was still in the air, frozen in place.

“She’s a witch!” One of the other boys yelled, as they scattered, abandoning their frozen friend to his fate.

Kierana knew instantly that she had done something wrong. Whether she had meant to or not, she had frozen a human being. Daniel was sure to hate her now. Her eyes flickered over to the dog who had pushed his entire body into the corner of the alley, as far away from Kierana as possible. She felt horrible. “It’s okay boy,” she said, approaching the terrified beast. “I won’t hurt you.” She reached a hand out and cried out in pain as the dog bit down down. It released her hand and raced out of the alleyway.

Tears welled up in Kierana’s eyes. Her bottom lip quivered as she watched the dog race past Daniel and Friedrich who had just stepped into the alleyway.

“Kierana, are you…” Daniel let the sentence fall as he took in the scene. Kierana was crying and bleeding. A few feet away stood one of the village boys, covered head to toe in ice. “Oh Kierana, you didn’t.”

Friedrich frowned, marching across the alley and grabbing Kierana roughly by her arm. “Do you know what you have done, Mage?” he hissed.

Kierana cried out in pain as his grip tightened and his large fingers dug into her soft flesh.

“Stop it, Friedrich,” Daniel exclaimed, running over to them. “You’re hurting her.”

He reached out to free Kierana, but Friedrich slapped him away. “You’ve been too lenient, Daniel. Because you coddled her and refused to acknowledge the danger she posed, we have a dead child on our hands. You heard this girl’s father. She has killed before, Daniel. This poor boy is only her latest victim.” He shook Kierana roughly. “When the Knight Commander asks how we allowed this to happen, you will take the blame Daniel. This is **your** doing.”

Daniel glared at Friedrich. “Fine Friedrich. I will accept the blame. Now release her. She’s frightened and in pain, and you aren’t helping.”

Friedrich looked down at Kierana. Kierana shrunk back under his intense gaze. If looks could kill… He threw her arm away. “Clean up your mess, Daniel. I’ll be at the tavern when you’re done. And you,” he hissed, pointing a finger at Kierana. “You will do well to keep your magic to yourself. You’ll be lucky if you’re not made tranquil for this.” He turned and stormed away. The ice shattered as Friedrich moved past, the body of the boy dropping to the ground. Friedrich sneered and looked away, disappearing from view.

Kierana rubbed her sore arm and stared at the boy’s corpse. She didn’t mean to kill him. She just wanted him to stop. She willed the body to move. _You’re not dead. You’re not dead. You're_ **not** _dead_. The arm jerked.

Daniel’s eyes widened. “Kierana, no!” He threw up his hands and a strange white mist rushed over Kierana. Her body suddenly felt heavy, all of her energy gone. She felt her legs give out, but Daniel caught her and held her against his chest. “Kierana,” he said, his voice shaky and out of breath. “I know you’re confused, and I know this isn’t your fault. You have no idea how to control your magic so when you want something to happen, it simply does. But you must be careful. Your magic is very powerful and unless you learn when and how to use it correctly, you can hurt people and make terrible things happen.” His eyes were on the boy’s body which had ceased moving. He was grateful he had caught onto her spell early enough to stop her entropic spell.

“I didn’t mean to… I didn’t want to kill him. They were hurting a dog. I just wanted them to stop.” She was sobbing.

Daniel rocked her against him, his hands petting her head affectionately. “I know. I know.”

She closed her eyes and wailed. She would never see Papa and Nohlen again. She would never see Daniel smile at her or wink with a gleam in his eye. She was a monster and tomorrow, she would live where the other monsters lived. Papa was wrong. Magic was no gift. It was no gift at all.


	2. Despair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tower is a strange place for young Kierana, who finds it difficult to learn all of the unspoken rules.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and critiques are welcome.

Kierana had gotten lucky. The village boy she had killed was an orphan and had no family to demand justice for his murder. Daniel had been able to smooth things over with the guards and the three of them had left the village that night. Kierana was exhausted, but all of Daniel’s suggestions that they rest were dismissed by Friedrich. He was determined to make it to Kinloch Hold by noon. When Kierana could no longer walk, Daniel carried her on his back. His armor was hard and sharp, but she didn’t mind. As soon as she laid her head down on his shoulder and closed her eyes, she was gone to the Fade, the realm of dreams.

She dreamed that night of Papa and Nohlen. She was back in their hut, tucked away safely in her and Nohlen’s bed. Her brother was curled up next to her, his lids heavy with sleep. Papa was recounting the tale of The Doggle-Boon Behemoth, while Kierana stroked Nohlen’s hair.

“Beware ye well, my son and belle, beware ye well the calling. For you will face, with time and grace, our failing and our falling. My failing and my falling,” Papa recited. “We sought the beast at farthest east and paid a bloody tithing. So will I will that you would kill, and end its fabled writhing. And end my fabled writhing. A doggled-boon our hopes had strewn, a bargain drained and straining. So gird in steel and train your zeal, and pray its will is waning. And pray my will is waning.” He paused, before nodding and smiling at Kierana. This was her favorite part, and he always let her recite it.

“A banner snatched and hander matched, no jabber whilst you’re walking. Do not be swayed to drop your blade, when danger comes a-stalking. When Mother comes a-stalking.” Her bottom lip trembled as her eyes filled up with tears. “I miss you so much, Papa. I want to come home.”

Her father leaned forward and put his hand on her shoulder. “You can come home, child.”

“How?” she asked with tears streaming down her cheeks.

“I can show you. Just,” he said, leaning so close that his lips brushed her earlobe. “Let me in.”

Kierana’s eyes widened as she shoved Papa away. “No!” she cried, jumping out of bed and moving across the tiny hut. “You aren’t Papa. **YOU AREN’T PAPA**!”

The thing that had taken Papa’s form began to shift, its body contorting until it became a strange, terrifying creature with grey, loose skin and massive, deformed hands and feet. It was dressed in a tattered black hood and robes and hovered in the air like an insect. Its face, Maker its face, was horrifyingly gruesome with beady, rat-like eyes and a wide wicked grin filled with large, rodent-like teeth. It opened its mouth and let out an awful screech that made Kierana’s ears ache.

She knew it must be a demon. What else could it be? But she did not know how she was going to fight it. She was a little girl who knew nothing of controlling her powers. Maker, she was going to die, or worse, become one of those hideous abominations that Friedrich had warned her about. _Friedrich_!!! He had told her it was up to her and her strength of will to defeat a demon. She had promised him she would do her best. She knew then that this must be a test by the Maker. She would not fail Him or Friedrich or Daniel.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She could do this. She was smart and brave and strong. She would not fall to some pathetic demon that haunted her dreams. She opened her eyes again and faced it.

It laughed wickedly. “Such a poor little creature,” it hissed. “You’re all alone now. Nobody can come save you. Your brother will manifest his powers and leave your father all alone. He’ll kill himself out grief. You will have no one left. Who will love a murderer like you? Evil girl. Wicked little girl.” Its laughter was pitched and grating. “You will die all alone, and you deserve no less. You are cursed child. Give into your despair. Give yourself to me.”

Kierana’s resolve wavered for a moment. It did not speak lies. She was a murderer. She was cursed. Nohlen was probably too. Maker, what would poor Papa do if yet another of his children was taken from him? She was wicked. She was evil…

Her father’s voice echoed in her head. “No matter what anyone says, your magic does not make you a bad person. Your magic is a gift from the Maker, and it's what you do with that gift that defines what kind of person you are.” She squeezed her hands into fists. This was a demon. Friedrich had warned her that demons would say or do whatever they could to make her falter and fail. She would not give into this demon’s taunts. She would not fall into a pit of despair.

“Begone demon!” She demanded, standing tall with her head held high. “I want nothing you offer.”

“It thinks it is brave,” the demon cackled. “It thinks it can fight. Shall we test this then? Shall we see if you are truly as strong as you believe yourself to be?” The demon flew at her, its speed inhumanely quick, and slashed at her face. She cried out in pain as her skin tore and stumbled backwards, cupping the side of her head. One of its talons had caught her left eye, and it was bleeding profusely. It whipped around for another strike that Kierana barely dodged. She was half-blind now and in so much pain.

She raced across the small room, cursing the furniture that had become obstacles to her now as she tried to escape the demon’s numerous attacks. She ducked behind a large table and put her palms out. She wanted the demon to stop. She wanted to cover it in ice as she had the village boy before. She concentrated hard and felt her blood run cold. The demon was close now. She flicked her wrist and watched as ice formed around the demon. She released a sigh of relief, but it was short-lived.

The ice surrounding the demon shattered mere seconds later. It cackled maniacally before throwing an ice spell back at Kierana. She dropped to her stomach and was grateful that the only thing frosted was her hair. She knew ice would not work. This demon obviously was resistant to it. Electricity then? A sudden thought occurred to Kierana. She recalled the time Joffrey accidentally set Farmer Garen’s field, and even one of his rams, on fire. She remembered the smell of burning fur and how quickly and hot the fire had burned. She tried to picture the fire, tried to feel the heat of it, the movement of the flames. Kierana felt her limbs grow warmer as she crawled across the floor of the hut and stood up on the other side of the room. 

The demon turned towards her and readied another ice attack. It was determined not to miss. So was she. She threw her hands up, flicking her wrist and extending her fingers out wide. The flames that burst forth from her palms were wild and hot and hit the demon square in the chest. They danced across its grey, burning flesh. Kierana watched in awe as the horrid creature screamed in pain, twisting its body in agony and clawing at its own skin as it tried desperately to put out the fire. The demon let out one final despairing howl as it disintegrated in front of Kierana.

Kierana was soaked in sweat and exhausted, her damp hair sticking to her skin. She was breathing heavy and could still feel the blood running down the left side of her face. She tried to open her left eye, but quickly closed it as an agonizing pain shot through her head. She covered her eye with her hand and wondered if she would be blind in real life too, or if her injuries would be restricted to the Fade.

Suddenly, a voice whispered on the wind caught her attention. It was Daniel’s and he was calling her name. Kierana looked around the small hut frantically, trying to find the source of Daniel’s voice. She looked up as a white light engulfed her being. Kierana opened her eyes.

“Kierana, we’re here,” Daniel said, shaking her gently.

Kierana lifted her head slowly and rubbed her eyes with the back of her knuckles. She was instantly thankful when her vision cleared, and she was able to see out of her left eye. She scanned their surroundings. They were standing at the top of a hill and looking down at a large lake that had one single, small dock. Across the lake stood a giant, stone tower. Kinloch Hold. Her new home. Her prison.

Kierana could see the ancient remains of what used to be a bridge still standing over the lake. There were huge gaps along the walkway that made it impossible to transverse unless you were a bird. Kierana looked back at the tiny dock and realized that must be the only way to enter or leave the tower. It was a fortress built to keep mages in and people out. Kierana did not find that thought comforting at all.

She dug her nails into Daniel’s armor as he and Friedrich began their descent. She knew Daniel must have been exhausted from carrying her all night. She considered telling him that she was ready to walk now, but a heavy, suffocating fear had taken root in the pit of her stomach that made her question if she would even be able to take a single step.

They reached the bottom of the hill and moved straight towards the dock where a man was leaning on one of the poles and flipping through a book. He closed the book and stood straight up at the sound of armored footsteps approaching.

“Afternoon, Ser Friedrich, Ser Daniel. Need a lift across the lake?” The man asked.

“Kester!” Daniel exclaimed. “Maker, it's good to see you. How are the kids?”

“Terribly loud. The wife complains every night about how I should be home more often wit’ ‘em. She doesn’t understand how important my job is here.” His attention drifted to Kierana who was still perched on Daniel’s back. “Brought another one, eh? Pretty lil’ thing, isn’t she?” Kierana hid her face behind Daniel’s back, her right cheek laying flat against his shoulder blade. “Shy too.”

“Don’t let her innocent appearance fool you, Kester. This girl has killed several men and one boy,” Friedrich sneered, glaring in Kierana’s direction.

“Maker, that’s...something.”

Daniel rolled his eyes before kneeling down to let Kierana off his back. She was reluctant to let go. “It’ll be alright,” he whispered. She stepped down and stood behind him, using him as a shield between her and the other two men. Daniel sighed and placed his hand in the middle of her back, ushering her forward. “Don’t listen to Sir Friedrich,” Daniel said, pushing Kierana into view. “Kierana is a good girl, and those men,” he said, glaring at Friedrich, “were evil.”

“And the boy?” Friedrich asked, staring down at Kierana. “Did he deserve death?”

Daniel chewed on his lip in frustration. “I didn’t say that…”

“Then what excuse have you concocted for that crime? Tell me what forced the hand of your precious little mage?”

“He was horrible,” Kierana said, speaking up for the first time since they had left the village. “He and the other boys were throwing rocks at that poor dog. They would have killed it if I hadn’t--”

“Killed him?” Friedrich snapped. “Do you honestly believe a human child’s life is less valuable than that of a stray dog?”

Kierana frowned, furrowing her eyebrows and glaring at Friedrich. “I did not mean to kill him. If I could take it back, I would,” she said, tears welling up in her eyes. “But that boy was not good. He was cruel and he wasted the life the Maker gave him. ‘All men are the Work of our Maker’s Hands...Those who bring harm without provocation to the least of his Children are hated and accursed by the Maker.’ Animals cannot help what they are. Men can.”

A look of surprise flashed over Friedrich’s features before he regained his composure. “You are an interesting child. I will give you that.” He turned back to Kester. “Take us across Kester. Let us be done with this one.”

Daniel smiled at Kierana and winked as he took her hand and led her down the dock. Friedrich was the first to climb in the boat. Daniel stepped in next, offering out a hand to help Kierana down. She hesitated, scared she would fall in the water. She was not a great swimmer, and the thought of drowning before they had even reached the tower was not an appealing option. She froze as she felt two hands grab her from behind by her waist and lift her up, handing her off to Daniel. She turned and looked up at Kester, who smiled back her. She decided in that moment that she liked the man very much.

Kester untied the boat from the dock and stepped in. Using an oar, he gently pushed the boat away from shore and began to paddle their way across the lake. Kierana watched Kester’s graceful movements with fascination. She leaned across Daniel and let her fingers trail in the water. “Do you know how to swim, Sir Daniel?”

“Yes, though I think if this boat tips over, Sir Friedrich and I will sink to the bottom due to the weight of our armor,” he answered with a laugh. Kierana’s eyes flickered over to Friedrich who looked like he wanted nothing more than to be standing on solid ground. She giggled into her hands before going back to playing in the water. “Do you know how to swim?” Daniel asked.

Kierana shook her head. “Papa tried to teach me, but I wasn’t very good at it. He said I flailed my arms too much.” She laughed, staring at her reflection in the water wistfully. “He said I was too hardheaded to float. I would have liked to learn how...eventually.” She jabbed a finger into the water, disturbing her reflection, and turned back to Daniel. “I’m excited to see the libraries in the Tower. You said there were lots of books to read, right Ser Daniel?”

“There’s many books, little miss,” Kester said as he rowed. “The shelves are so tall they can touch the ceiling, and you have to use a ladder to get the books down.”

Kierana’s face lit up. “Really?” A thought occurred to Kierana. “Do you think they’ll have books on demons?”

The three men froze, turning to look at Kierana with the same worried expression. “Why do you want to read about demons?”

Kierana twiddled her fingers as she tried to think of the best way to explain to them what had happened in her dream. “I think… I think a demon came to me in my dream.”

Friedrich stiffened, his back ruler straight. “Explain.”

“I dreamed of Papa and Nohlen. Papa was telling us the story of the Doggle-Boon Behemoth. I told him I missed them and wanted to come home. Papa said he could show me how to get home if I just let him in.”

Daniel’s eyes widened as Friedrich gripped the hilt of his sword.

“It wasn’t Papa!” She said, realizing that Friedrich might harm her if he thought she was an abomination. “I pushed him away. He turned into something...horrible. It attacked me. Scratched my face. I tried to freeze it, but ice didn’t hurt it. It said awful things. It made me feel sad and hopeless. I remembered what you had said, Sir Friedrich. That the only way to beat a demon is to be strong and face it. Ice didn’t work so I tried fire. It disappeared. I did good, didn’t I? Didn’t I?” She pleaded, looking up at Daniel with desperate eyes.

Daniel nodded his head, patting her on the top of hers. “Yes, Kierana. You did very well.”

Her brown eyes flickered over to Friedrich. Would he believe her?

His hand had left the hilt of his sword, though the features of his face had not softened. He said no words and only nodded. Kierana burst into tears, curling up into Daniel’s chest as he consoled her.

* * *

By the time they had reached the other shore, Kierana’s eyes were red and puffy. She didn’t think she had another tear left in her body to cry. Daniel held her hand as they stepped onto land, ignoring the disapproving looks Friedrich kept sending his way. Kierana peered up at the large staircase in front of them, wondering if she would be able to climb it with her shaky legs. This was it. Her final stop. She squeezed Daniel’s hand and felt comforted as he squeezed her hand back and smiled down at her.

“This is Kinloch Hold,” Daniel said, his eyes returning to the giant tower looming over them. “It’s a nice place. I’m sure you’ll make lots of friends and feel right at home in no time.”

Kierana gulped. She wasn’t as positive as Daniel, but she did hope he was correct. She wanted so badly to believe the Circle would be her sanctuary and not her prison.

“Let’s go,” Friedrich said, brushing past them and beginning his ascent up the steps.

Daniel and Kierana turned back to Kester and waved goodbye as he pushed away from the dock. He waved back. “T’was a pleasure to meet you, youngin!” He called back. Kierana hoped everyone in the tower would be as nice and friendly as the ferryman was.

Daniel tugged on her hand and she turned away from the lake and followed him up the steps. Her legs felt weak, and each slow step was forced. She felt Daniel’s grip tighten on her hand, and she wondered if it was meant to comfort her or to ensure she couldn’t run away. They reached the top of the steps and joined Friedrich at the front door. The doors to the tower were made of heavy, thick wood and so tall and large that Kierana questioned how any person could open them. Friedrich knocked three time, using the side of his fist instead of his knuckles. Kierana heard the sound of several locks being released before the massive doors parted.

Kierana took a step back and teetered on the edge of the first step, with only Daniel’s hand keeping her from tumbling down the stairs. Friedrich stepped inside, and Daniel pulled her behind, his usual soft features hardening as they crossed the threshold. Once inside, the heavy doors were pulled shut by two other men dressed in templar armor.

Several men stood in front of them. One man had a grim face like Friedrich’s. He was dressed in templar armor and wore a sword on his hip. A smaller and older man stood on his right. He was wearing robes, and, unlike the armored man who held his hands across his chest like a barrier, this man kept his hands tucked behind his back. He was like Daniel, giving off a warm and welcoming presence. He had a long grey beard and brown eyes that seemed to be smiling.

“You have returned with the apostate, I see,” the armored man said. Kierana guessed he was the leader of this Circle. He narrowed his eyes when he spied Kierana’s hand in Daniel’s. “This is she?”

“Yes, Knight Commander,” Daniel answered. He released Kierana’s hand and ushered her forward with a light shove. “This is Kierana.”

“Knight Commander,” Friedrich interrupted. “You should be made aware that this mage is responsible for the death of several men and a young boy.”

The Knight Commander’s eyes widened as his lips turned down into a deeper frown. “On your watch?” He asked through gritted teeth.

“The men were bandits who attacked her family. It was the first time she had ever used magic,” Daniel prompted. “The boy...I’ll take full responsibility for his death. He and some other village boys were attacking a stray dog. Kierana accidentally froze one of them. He did not survive.”

The man in robes spoke up. “A simple ice spell killed the boy? How is this possible? At her age and with no training, her ice spell should shatter seconds after it is cast.”

“This was no simple ice spell,” Daniel said. “Her ice wall was thick and held for a couple of minutes. She has received no previous training. I would dismiss it as an accident had I not witness her almost successfully cast an entropic spell.”

“What?” Friedrich exclaimed, turning to Daniel. “When did this happen?”

Daniel’s expression remained stoic. “The young boy. She regretted killing him and wished for him to be alive again. I saw his body move. I interrupted her spell casting, but had I not, I do believe her spell would have been successful.”

“Impressive,” the man in robes said.

“Irving!” The Knight Commander scolded. “You must recognize the danger this mage presents. Untrained and already that powerful so young. Perhaps it would be best to take the necessary steps now to ensure that she is not a problem in the future.”

“You cannot be seriously considering tranquility as an option on so young of a mage. You have not even given her a chance to prove herself,” the man named Irving argued.

“Knight Commander,” Daniel interrupted. “I beg of you to listen to the First Enchanter. Kierana is young and powerful, but she’s intelligent and has only used her magic in the defense of others. I think she could be the next First Enchanter if you give her a chance.”

The Knight Commander narrowed his eyes at Daniel. “Ser Daniel, I cannot help but wonder if your personal feelings have not colored your opinion and overridden your better judgement.”

Daniel frowned. “I admit I am rather fond of Kierana, but if I thought she were any real danger, I would support your decision Knight Commander one hundred percent. Given the right training, I think Kierana could be a valuable asset to the Circle.”

“And what say you, Ser Friedrich?” The Knight Commander asked. “Do you think she is worth the risk?”

Friedrich looked down at Kierana before facing the Knight Commander. “I do, Ser. Daniel speaks the truth. She is very intelligent and inquisitive for one so young. She has already proven to have a natural talent for spell casting and elemental spells. She seems eager to learn, and if she’s as quick of a study as I believe her to be, I think she will prove quite capable.” His eyes moved to Daniel whose eyes were wide in surprise. His gaze then flickered to the young face of Kierana before moving back to the Knight Commander. “If it is to be believed, she has already faced a despair demon that came to her in her dreams and resisted it. I believe she will have no trouble passing her harrowing as well.”

The Knight Commander contemplated for a moment before nodding his head. “Fine, if you both believe she is worth training then we shall give it a try. But mark my words, if this girl kills anyone else or tries to use her magic for unsavory reasons, I will have no choice but to invoke the Right of Tranquility.” He turned away from Friedrich and Daniel and faced the First Enchanter. “Well, Irving, since you have so much faith in the young mage, I trust you will take her on as an apprentice. Let us see if she is as valuable as you think.”

“I’m sure the two of us will surprise you,” Irving responded, winking at Kierana. “Come child, let us get the matter of your phylactery taken care of so we can get you settled in. I’m sure you must be exhausted after that long journey.” He held out his hand. He seemed nice to Kierana, but she wasn’t ready to let go of Daniel and Friedrich just yet. She took a step backwards and hid behind Daniel, peering out from behind his leg. The First Enchanter smiled sadly. He knew how difficult it was most children when they first arrived at the tower. He could see the young girl was terrified, and, to his amazement, was very attached to her templar escorts.

Before Irving could say another word, the Knight Commander spoke up. “You two are dismissed. You’re welcome to bathe and rest in the templar quarters on the third floor. If you get hungry, call down to the kitchen, and we’ll have special lunches prepared for you. Other than that, dinner is served from five until six thirty in the dining quarters. Feel free to wander the tower for the rest of the day. I will give you new assignments in the morning.”

“Yes Knight Commander,” Friedrich and Daniel said in unison. Friedrich started to walk away, but paused when Daniel didn’t follow. “If it’s alright with you, Knight Commander, I’d like to stay with Kierana until she gets settled in.”

The Knight Commander looked unhappy but nodded his head. “It’s your free time, Ser Daniel. Spend it as you please.”

“Thank you Ser,” Daniel said, bowing slightly to the Knight Commander. He looked over at Friedrich and smiled. “I’ll meet you later, Ser Friedrich.”

Friedrich just turned away. “Suit yourself,” he muttered, walking away.

Kierana chewed on her lip before running out from behind Daniel. “Ser Friedrich!” She called, sprinting across the floor and stopping in front of the grumpy templar. She bowed to him. “Thank you for everything you’ve done,” she said, staring at the floor. “I hope we can be friends.”

Friedrich scratched the back of his head before finally allowing the corners of his mouth to tug up into a small smile. “Just keep our promise, kid,” he said, patting Kierana on the head. “Don’t make me regret believing in you.”

Kierana peered up at Friedrich and grinned. “I won’t.”

He removed his hand and walked away. Kierana watched him go before turning back to the others. She wanted to run and jump into Daniel’s arms. He was the only thing familiar in this strange place, but she knew the Knight Commander seemed to disapprove of her closeness with Daniel. She did not want to get him into any more trouble.

First Enchanter Irving walked over to her and took her hand in his. “Do you know what a phylactery is, child?” Kierana shook her head. Neither Friedrich nor Daniel had ever mentioned a phylactery before. “It’s where we take a bit of your blood and put that in a special vial imbued with magic.”

“What does it do?” Kierana asked, seeming to ignore the fact that it required her blood to make.

“Phylacteries are used to track down fugitive mages,” Irving explained.

Kierana nodded her head. “How do you get my blood?”

“We nick your finger and take a small sample of your blood. It will only hurt a little bit. Are you ready?”

“I am ready,” she said, nodding her head and doing her best to put on a brave face. The Knight Commander motioned for one of the other templars to step forward. He pulled out a small dagger, and Kierana watched as the blade glinted underneath the lights. Suddenly, she didn’t feel so ready. Instinctively, she stepped back and yanked her hand away from the First Enchanter.

“Don’t be frightened, child,” the First Enchanter said, trying to coax her over. “It will be over quickly, but we must do it.”

Kierana watched as Daniel stepped forward and grabbed the dagger from the other templar’s hand. He walked over to Kierana and knelt down. “Do you trust me, Kierana?” He asked. She nodded her head. He took her wrist in his free hand and turned it palm-side up. With the other hand, she brought the tip of the dagger down onto her finger and dragged it across the skin, creating a small incision. Kierana was so fascinated watching his movements and counting his eyelashes to even notice the small pinch in the tip of her finger. Daniel squeezed the tip of her finger and brought the empty vial up to the cut. After a few drops of blood fell in it, he stood up and handed the vial to the Knight Commander.

Daniel nodded at the First Enchanter who stepped forward and placed his hands over Kierana’s cut. She watched in awe as the torn flesh mended itself in seconds. “This is creation magic,” explained the First Enchanter. “It allows us to heal our own wounds and the wounds of others. It’s a very important spell to learn so that you can support armies in battle if you’re ever called upon.”

Kierana brought her finger up to her face and examined the tip. There was no scar or any other evidence to ever hint that she had been cut. It was...magic. “Thank you, First Enchanter.” The older man laughed as he stood back up. “You’re very welcome, child. Now that you are officially an apprentice, let’s show you to your quarters.”

Kierana nodded her head excitedly, before turning back to Daniel. He smiled sadly. “Go on Kierana. I have some things to discuss with the Knight Commander. I will see you later.” Kierana tried not to look as hurt as she felt. She allowed the First Enchanter to take her by the hand and lead her through another set of heavy doors. She hoped she would see Daniel again soon.

* * *

The tower was enormously tall and filled with so many rooms that Kierana was certain she would spend most of her life here lost and asking for directions. When the First Enchanter brought her to the room she would be sharing with the other female apprentices, Kierana tried to hide her disappointment as he motioned to one of the bottom bunks.

“This will be your bed until you pass your Harrowing,” the First Enchanter explained.

“My Harrowing?” She asked.

“Yes, it’s a trial that all mages must go through that will test your magic and willpower. Once you pass it, you become a full Circle mage.”

“When will my Harrowing be?”

The First Enchanter laughed. “Not for many more years, child. So relax for now and get some rest. I’ll send for someone to call you when it is time for dinner. If you’d like to take a bath, I’ll have Petra show you where the tub is.” The First Enchanter motioned to a girl with red hair standing nearby. “I’m afraid there are other matters I must attend to. We will speak later after you have settled in.” The older man smiled at her before turning and walking out of the room.

The girl named Petra stepped forward. “Would you like to take a bath now?” She was holding a set of green robes and slippers in her hands. “These are your new robes,” Petra explained. “You can change into them after your bath, if you’d like.” Kierana nodded her head and followed Petra to the other end of the room. Behind another wall stood a screen and a large tub already filled with warm water. “Take your time,” Petra said. “I’ll be waiting right outside so just let me know if you need anything.” Petra turned to leave.

“How old are you?” Kierana asked.

Petra paused in the doorway before turning back to Kierana. “I’m almost sixteen. You?”

“I’m almost seven… How long have you been here?”

“This is my seventh year in the Circle.”

“Do you like it here?”

Petra smiled kindly. “Before this, I lived with my poor family in Denerim. My father loved to gamble and my mother was terribly sick. We barely had enough money to eat. Had I not come here, I’m sure my mother would have died, and I would have been sold into servitude to pay off my father’s growing debts. To me, this place is a sanctuary. As long as you don’t make trouble and avoid the templars, it’s an easygoing and happy life.”

Kierana nodded her head, though truthfully she had her doubts. She waited until Petra had stepped out of the room before she removed her dirty clothes. She stepped into the tub and let out a pleased sigh as the warm water embraced her aching body. She leaned back and closed her eyes, letting the real world drift away and entering the realm of dreams.

* * *

She couldn’t breath. She was drowning, and suddenly, there were hands grabbing her, gripping her by her shoulders, and pulling her up. Kierana gasped as her head surfaced and opened her eyes, blinking several times to shake the water droplets from her lashes.

Petra’s face was ghostly white, her eyes wide and strikingly blue. “Are you alright, Kierana?” She asked, her hands brushing Kierana’s hair out of her face.

Kierana nodded, coughed, and then leaned over the edge of the tub, trying desperately to catch her breath.

“What happened?”

Kierana smiled sheepishly. “I think I fell asleep.”

Petra sat back and laughed, shaking her head. “Maker’s breath, I thought an invisible demon was trying to drown you with the way you were struggling.”

“Sorry.”

Petra smiled before getting back to her feet. “Let us get you washed and dressed before you try to fall asleep in the tub again.”

Petra was efficient as she scrubbed Kierana’s hair and skin with soap. Before Kierana could even blink, Petra had her out of the tub and was rubbing her dry with a towel. Petra helped Kierana into her robes and frowned when she realized that the slippers were about two sizes too big. “Your very tiny for your age,” Petra commented. “These were the smallest size we had. We’ll just have to hope you grow into them.” She stood up and took Kierana by the hand, leading her back into the large sleeping quarters. “Now get some rest. I’ll be back when it’s dinner time.”

Kierana thought it would be much harder to fall asleep the second time around. She was wrong.

* * *

Kierana stepped into the dining quarters and was amazed by the sheer size of the room. The ceilings were tall and arched and made the room appear even larger. There were long, wooden tables sitting in the center of the room, already filled with mages and templars who were busy chatting and stuffing their faces with food. The smell of freshly baked bread made Kierana’s stomach growl as she looked around the room. One thing caught her attention, all of the mages sat on the right side of the room, with the templars on the left. There was no mingling between the groups. The mages seemed to ignore the templar presence completely, and aside from a few glances to make sure no one was casting any dangerous spells, the templars did the same.

“Let’s find a seat before all of the good food is gone,” Petra suggested, waving towards two open seats on the far right. She started walking away, but something, or rather someone else, had caught Kierana’s attention. She spied Friedrich and Daniel eating with the other templars. Friedrich was stone-faced as usual, but Daniel was animated. From the laughter coming from some of the nearby templars, Kierana guessed he had probably just told a joke or a funny story. _Maker, he was charming_.

Her feet starting moving on their own accord and before she knew it, she was heading towards the templar tables. She heard Petra call out her name in a frightened tone, but she didn’t stop until a hand clamped down on her arm and jerked her back. She turned to find a young mage boy holding her arm. He couldn’t have been much older than her, with dark hair and grey eyes. “What are you doing?” He hissed, throwing worried glances over his shoulders at the templars who had turned to watch the young mages with mild interest. “You can’t go over there. Maker, what’s wrong with you?”

Kierana cocked her head in confusion. “Why can’t I sit over there?”

“That area is for templars only,” the boy whispered. Some of the templars had started to stand, and the boy was shaking terribly.

“Is that a rule or something?”

“It’s not a written rule or anything. It’s more like an unspoken agreement we have.”

“That’s silly,” Kierana responded with a smile. “We’re all people.” The boy looked utterly shocked by Kierana’s observation.

They both turned as one of the templars approached them. “What’s going on here?” He asked. Kierana watched as the boy released her arm and took two large steps back. His eyes flickered around the room, landing anywhere but on the templar.

“I’m sorry Ser,” Petra said, appearing next to Kierana. “She’s a new apprentice and hasn’t been informed of the Circle rules just yet.” She was looking down at her feet as she addressed the templar. _Maker, what was wrong with these people_?

“Then return to your seats and eat. Dinner will be over soon,” the templar ordered. The boy practically sprinted back to his seat, while Petra just bowed her head and reached out to take Kierana’s hand.

“Kierana!” A voice called out. The three of them turned and watched as Daniel walked up, still dressed in his full armor. He nodded to his comrade as he stopped in front of Kierana and Petra. “Did you sleep well? You’re hair,” Kierana’s hand flew up to touch the french braid that Petra had carefully woven her hair into and pinned to the side of her head. “It looks nice,” Daniel complimented.

She felt her cheeks warm and smiled. “Thank you,” she said, before turning and motioning to Petra, “Petra did it. She’s very talented.”

Daniel laughed. “Well, then I must give my praise to Petra then.” Petra knotted her fingers together, keeping her eyes on the floor. Kierana wondered why she would not look a templar in the eye. Noticing Petra’s discomfort, Daniel turned his attention back to Kierana who welcomed it like a needy mabari puppy. “Have you eaten yet?” Kierana shook her head. “Then come join Friedrich and I. The poor guy has been worried sick about you since he left.”

Kierana noted the way Petra’s eyes widened at the suggestion. The other templar opened his mouth to protest, but the sudden pressure from Daniel’s hand on his shoulder kept him quiet. “You’re welcome to join us as well, Petra,” Daniel said, hoping to calm the panicking mage’s nerve. She shook her head so fast and hard, Kierana was surprised she didn’t fall over from the force.

“No thank you, Ser,” she said, still not meeting his eye. She turned and looked at Kierana, worry and fear etched into each of her features. “Will you be okay?” Kierana was ecstatic as she nodded her head. Petra hesitated before bowing slightly to the templars and returning to the other side of the room.

The other templar did not appreciate Kierana’s presence, but she barely noticed his disdain. She was too excited to see Daniel again. She practically skipped as she followed him back to his seat. Friedrich narrowed his eyes as she sat down next to Daniel and greeted him. Kierana watched as the other templars scooted away from her. She ignored the hostile glares sent her way. If they thought they could chase her off, they were wrong. This skill would serve her well in the years to come.

From across the room, Jowan, the young boy who had tried to stop Kierana from crossing the unspoken barrier, watched as the young girl sat with the templars. He questioned whether it was naivety, stupidity, or just brazenness that drove the girl to push the boundaries of the Circle. Surely, she must have noticed the unwelcome glances and frowns on the templars’ faces. Even from his seat, he could hear the harsh words being whispered, if you could call it that, among the templars. They did not bother to hide their disdain for the young mage child who had dared to venture into their territory. If Kierana did notice their hatred, she seemed unperturbed by it. The girlish grin on her lips did not falter as she chatted away with the dark-haired templar seated next to her.

Jowan frowned as the templar next to Kierana laughed and patted her head affectionately. He had seen the templar around the tower a few times, always bringing new children in. He seemed friendly, but Jowan did not trust it. He must have been up to something.

Thirty minutes later, as Jowan finished his meal, he was caught off guard by loud, voracious laughter coming from the templar side of the dining hall. He and the other mages turned and watched in amazement as the templars drew closer to the young girl, a smile on each of their lips as she animatedly told a story. Jowan didn’t understand this strange girl who could make the templars seem human and forget for a moment that they were her prison guards and not her friend. He wondered just what sort of mischief and trouble this strange girl would bring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise we'll get to Cullen and Alistair soon!


	3. Urges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Kierana adjusts to life in the Circle, she soon develops a reputation for mischief. The stone walls and large libraries do little to sate her growing thirst for adventure, and it isn't long before she finds herself catching the eye of a new templar recruit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments and critiques are welcome and appreciated.

Kierana couldn’t stop the tears from flowing as she watched Daniel and Friedrich gather their packs and supplies from the quartermaster. Knight Commander Greagoir and First Enchanter Irving were talking amongst themselves, sending the occasional glance her way. She knew they and the other templars were watching her carefully to make sure she didn’t try to follow Daniel and Friedrich. She knew it was forbidden for her to leave the tower, but she didn’t understand why they were leaving when they’d only gotten here yesterday. Kierana wished Daniel was like the other templars who remained in the Circle, watching over the mages. She didn’t mind staying in Kinloch Hold if it meant seeing Daniel everyday.

Kierana knew she was being selfish. Daniel and Friedrich were responsible for bringing mage children and apostates to the Circles. This meant they rarely stayed long in any of the holds. Daniel had promised he would be return to Kinloch Hold and visit her as soon as he could. She tried to focus on the fact that they would see each other again, but even that comforting thought couldn’t stop her tears. Maker, she wanted to go with them so badly.

Daniel ignored the disapproving looks of his superior as he wrapped his arms around Kierana’s tiny form and pulled her against his chest. “I’ll be back soon, Kierana. Stay strong until then. I promise to bring you something nice,” he said, smiling at her and wiping her tears away. “You have to work hard to get stronger so you can surprise me.”

Kierana forced herself to nod her head. Daniel leaned forward and kissed the top of her head. Over the past week, try as hard as he might, he had grown fond of the young girl and had come to view Kierana as the younger sister he never had. He knew he was being unfair by pampering her, but he couldn’t help himself. He loved her stories and her smile and her laugh. Maker, it was hard to leave, knowing that the harsh realities of the Circle would become clear to her soon.

“I’ll miss you,” the young girl whispered.

“I’ll miss you too,” he said, hugging her once more before pulling back. He got his pack and followed Friedrich to the front doors. He turned one last time and waved at her, trying his best to force a smile. She was sobbing, but her little hand kept waving even long after the other Templars had pulled the doors closed.

* * *

Kierana practically danced as Daniel followed her down the hallway. She was fifteen now and had already blossomed into a woman. As they passed through the apprentice classrooms, she pointed out the new scorch marks on the stone. “Eadric completely lost control of the fire spell and actually had the nerve to blame Senior Enchanter Torrin. He accused Torrin of being harsher on him because he was an elf. Goes to show what he knows, Torrin is hard on everyone. He made me write a ten page paper on the proper way to grip a staff. I jokingly turned in a paper that was perhaps a bit risqué due to all of the double entendres. Torrin didn’t find it amusing and assigned me with cleanup duty for the next two weeks. Maker, the man is a bore. Oh, and did you hear our weekly exercise sessions were canceled. That mage Anders escaped again, swam right across the lake. The Templars couldn’t follow him due to their heavy armor. They found him again a week later and brought him back.” Kierana laughed. “I guess I never will learn how to properly swim.” Kierana paused, watching as a small smile pulled at the corners of Daniels’ mouth. His eyes, however, were far away. Something must have been bothering him. Kierana frowned.

“And then three templars took me right behind that book shelf there. Maker, our sounds of love making were so loud that even the Knight Commander came down to investigate.”

“What?” Daniel exclaimed, stopping mid step and whipping around to face Kierana.

“Kidding,” Kierana said, sticking out her tongue and winking. “Something’s troubling you. What is it?”

Daniel sighed, his eyes looking down at the floor. “The Knight Commander doesn’t think we should be left alone anymore. There are some concerns now that you’re older. He’s worried our relationship may progress into something more...intimate.” Kierana felt her cheeks flame up. Daniel looked away as his own cheeks grew red. “I’ve been cautioned against getting too close and being too physical with you.” He pushed his bangs away from his face, as Kierana smiled. He had been growing his hair out, longer on top, but still continued to shear the sides. _My earlobes are too perfect to hide from the ladies_ , he used to joke.

Kierana looked away and clicked her tongue. “Well, there goes my plans for mud wrestling and then an oil massage. Maker, whatever will we do now?”

“Have you always been this cynical or is this a recent thing?” Daniel grinned at her.

“It’s this tower, I tell you. The Circle breeds cynicism.” As they passed by the Chantry room, Kierana and Daniel paused when they heard a woman’s desperate sobs. Worried there may have been trouble, the two peeked their heads inside. Kierana spotted Lydia crying in front of the statue of Andraste. Daniel took a step forward, but Kierana grabbed his shoulder. “I wouldn’t.”

“Did a templar...do something to her?” He whispered.

Kierana’s eyes widened in surprise. While abuse and rape by templars did happen in the Circle, they were rare in Kinloch Hold. Knight Commander Greagoir may have had a stick up his arse, but he was good at weeding out the bad seeds early on before they had a chance to really do any damage. Kierana shook her head, as her eyes moved back to Lydia. “She gave birth last night. The templars took the babe away as soon as the cord was cut. Lydia has been crying ever since. She said they didn’t even give her a chance to feed him… It was a boy.”

Kierana felt sympathy for the poor woman. She too had heard the nasty whispers and gossip spread around the tower by mages and templars alike. Some of the mages said Lydia was stupid and had brought this pain on herself. They said pregnancy was easily avoided with herbs and poultices and that Lydia had been a fool for not preventing it. The templars were scolded by the Knight Commander for not keeping a better eye on the mages. Fraternization among the mages was strictly forbidden, though it was not uncommon to wander the library or halls and interrupt two mages being intimate. As long as the mages were discreet and took the necessary precautions, most templars would either look the other way or separate the two and tell them to be on their way. It was rare for one of the templars to actually turn in a mage for fooling around. After Lydia, however, the templars had cracked down, and now any mages caught in the act were immediately dragged to the First Enchanter’s office for punishment. Lydia had lost many of her friends in the Circle and now her baby as well.

Kierana pushed past Daniel and walked over to Lydia. She placed a hand on the distraught woman’s shoulder, knelt down next to her, and closed her eyes. “O Maker, hear my cry: Guide me through the blackest nights. Steel my heart against the temptations of the wicked. Make me to rest in the warmest places. O Creator, see me kneel: For I walk only where You would bid me. Stand only in places You have blessed. Sing only the words You place in my throat. My Maker, know my heart: Take from me a life of sorrow. Lift me from a world of pain. Judge me worthy of Your endless pride. My Creator, judge me whole: Find me well within Your grace. Touch me with fire that I be cleansed. Tell me I have sung to Your approval. O Maker, hear my cry: Seat me by Your side in death. Make me one within Your glory. And let the world once more see Your favor. For You are the fire at the heart of the world. And comfort is only Yours to give.” Kierana opened her eyes and smiled at Lydia. “Know that you have friends here who wish only for your happiness,” she said, wiping away a tear from Lydia’s cheek. “The Maker will watch over your son, and when the time comes, you both will be reunited at the Maker’s side.”

“Thank you, Kierana,” Lydia whispered through tear-filled eyes.

Kierana smiled at her before standing and returning to Daniel’s side.

“That was kind of you,” Daniel said, his lips curled up into a soft smile.

Kierana’s own smile fell. “I lied to her,” she said, chewing on her lip. “I used to believe everything happened for a reason and that the Maker must have this great plan for me. But now… The Maker is a cruel god.” She stepped out of the Chantry and Daniel followed.

* * *

Kierana waved Lydia over, much to the chagrin of Jowan who kept shooting her worried glances. “What are you doing?” Jowan hissed, trying to keep his voice low. His eyes flickered around the room, all too aware of the many disapproving stares coming their way.

Kierana rolled her eyes. She had learned long ago to stop caring what others thought of her. While the Circle promoted camaraderie among the mages and claimed everyone was one big, happy family, Kirana knew the truth. Life in the tower was like life in the real world. Everything was a competition, and there were more than a few people willing to cut you down to build themselves up. When First Enchanter Irving had accepted her as his apprentice, the other mages in the tower had started gossiping about her. The truth of her history had been twisted until the rumors about her past claimed she had been killed several high ranking noble children and a highly prized mabari pup. She learned early on that standing out in the Circle would get you praise to your face and insults to your back. Her natural talent for elemental spells had earned her the ire of several other apprentices and even a couple of Senior Enchanters. So if Jowan thought Kierana was worried about her reputation in the tower, he was dead wrong.

Lydia smiled at Kierana and Jowan as she reached the table. “Thanks again for last night,” she said, tucking her curly hair behind her ear. Kierana motioned to a free space on the bench, and Lydia accepted it gratefully. Her eyes moved across the table to where Jowan sat, his mouth curved down into a frown. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

Lydia’s voice was warm and sweet, like honey. She had large, doe-like hazel eyes, a petite nose, and Cupid-bowed lips. A year ago, many of the male mages had pursued her, hoping to be the first to nab the dark-haired beauty. Garrett, a handsome apprentice who passed his Harrowing about six months ago, had been the winner...and the father. After Lydia had revealed her pregnancy, he stopped talking to her and avoided her at all costs. Gossip around the tower said he had moved on to a pretty blonde mage who had passed her Harrowing three months ago. Another rumor said that same pretty blonde mage had cut Lydia’s long hair in a fit of fury when Garrett was transferred to another Circle last month. The templars had confronted Lydia and asked if the rumors about the attack were true. Lydia wouldn't acknowledge them and instead said she just felt she needed a change. Kierana wondered if Lydia had remained silent in hopes of winning back some of her friends.

“You’re not interrupting anything,” Kierana said, shooting Jowan a glare. “Jowan was just boring me with his incessant whining and desperate need for approval.” Jowan narrowed his eyes at Kierana, but she ignored him. “How are you feeling?”

Lydia forced a small smile. “Better, I think. I named him...my son… Maric.”

Kierana’s eyes widened. “After the King?” Lydia nodded her head. “Why?”

Lydia picked up a napkin and played with it in her hands. “Because of his story. He rose from nothing to become a hero. I want that for my son.”

Kierana nodded her head understandingly. The story of King Maric was epic and inspiring. She hoped Lydia’s son could live up to his name.

Across the table, Jowan chewed unhappily on some bread, stewing in his anger. He wasn’t like Kierana. Every harsh whisper and mean word bit at his skin and dug deep until they haunted his bones. Kierana was talented and beautiful and smart. Even the mages that hated her, respected her for her magical abilities and charm. No one could ever stay mad at Kierana for long. She had this annoying habit of making friends wherever she went so that no one stayed an enemy for long. She could ignore the hateful glares and mean comments because by this time tomorrow, everyone would be singing her praises again.

Jowan, on the other hand, was not well-liked. He lacked any natural talent or skill for magic and struggled with even the simplest of spells. He was whiny and pessimistic. He lacked Kierana’s charisma and did not have her ability to restore her reputation with a bat of her lashes and a pretty smile. He envied her of all of her strengths. The one thing he did have on Kierana was his creation spells. The girl was a brute on the battlefield, but when it came to support spells, Kierana struggled to heal even the smallest of wounds. He liked to brag about how he was more likely to leave the tower than her. Support mages were sometimes called upon to help aid soldiers in battles. Battle mages were deemed too much of a risk and rarely left the confines of the tower. Kierana knew she would most likely spend the rest of her life behind stone.

“Is that Lydia?” A female mage nearby asked in a mocking tone.

“I'm not sure. I don’t think anyone’s ever seen her standing up. She’s usually on her back or knees,” another girl said snidely.

Kierana watched Lydia drop her head and stare down at her hands. Kierana narrowed her eyes and gritted her teeth. She slammed her palms down on the table and pushed herself up. A slow, wicked smile crossed her lips as she turned towards the two gossiping mages. “Maker, is that Kitty and Julia? It looks like them, but one can never be too sure,” she said, squinting her eyes as if she were trying to get a better look. With a flick of her wrist, a gust of wind burst forth from her palm and blew towards the two young women, lifting the skirts of their robes over their heads. Kitty and Julia screamed as they frantically tried to pull their robes down. The mages, and even some of the templars, turned and laughed at the two horrified girls as they scurried out of the dining hall.

Lydia giggled and covered her mouth. Jowan looked horrified. Kierana caught Daniel’s eye from across the hall. The corners of his mouth tugged into a smile, and he looked away as a chuckle escaped, bringing his knuckles to his lips. Kierana watched as Knight Commander Greagoir stormed into the room and headed right for her. She knew she would get in trouble for using her magic on other mages, but at the moment, the glee on Lydia’s face made it all worth it.

* * *

Kierana was sitting in the library and halfway through her book when she heard the clinking of armor as someone pulled out a chair. She looked up and smiled at Daniel as he settled down into the chair.

“You look pretty good for someone who had to scrub every floor in the tower...twice.”

Kierana set her book down and stretched. “Maker, that was unpleasant. I think the blisters on my hands have blisters,” she said, as she examined her calloused hands. “Remind me never to do that again.”

Daniel smirked. “So you won’t be lifting the robes of any apprentices anytime soon?”

Kierana grinned back. “Well, I wouldn’t say that exactly. I’ll just be more discreet next time.”

“You discreet? Psssh, perish the thought.” Daniel’s face grew more serious. “You know, you really should try to make more friends in the Circle. You are kind of stuck with them, remember?”

Kierana groaned and leaned back in her chair, balancing dangerously on the back two legs, with her arms spread out and head thrown back. “I have friends. I have Jowan, Lydia, and you. What more does a girl need?”

The chair teetered for a moment. Daniel reached out his hand and steadied it. “Kierana,” his voice warned. “If you’re going to succeed Irving, you need to be likable.”

Kierana rolled her eyes and set the chair down on all four legs. “I am likable. Jowan’s always complaining about how likable I am. Apparently, I just ooze charm.”

“Jowan just says that because he lacks any qualities that make him likable.”

Kierana chuckled. “I like him just fine.”

“He’s whiny and weasily and moody,” Daniel replied dryly.

“See? Perfectly lovable!” Kierana exclaimed. “At least Jowan isn’t full of surprises. He’s as dry as stale bread, and I like him that way. The way some of these mages play games and backstab, you’d think they were nobles.”

Daniel reached out his hand and brushed a strand of Kierana’s dark hair away from her face. “This coming from the girl whose family were once nobles.”

Kierana playfully slapped his hand away. “That was before my time. By the time I was born, the proud Amell name was tainted and most of the fortune was gone.”

“Don’t you ever wonder what could have happened had you stayed in Kirkwall as a noble?”

Kierana shook her head. “There’s nothing in Kirkwall I would want. Besides,” she said, reaching her hand across the table and placing it on top of Daniel’s. “I never would have met you.” She smiled softly at him as her cheeks flushed red.

Daniel pulled his hand back and cleared his throat. He turned his head away, but not before Kierana caught the faint red coloring his cheeks. He stood up and pretended to stretch, his armor creaking with each movement. “All I’m saying is that you should be careful. Tower society is unforgiving, and if you find yourself on bottom, it’ll be hard to climb back up.”

Kierana grinned wickedly. “I see what you mean,” she said, standing up. She leaned across the table and ran a finger along the chest plate of Daniel’s armor. “While I wouldn’t mind being on bottom sometimes, I think I’m the type of girl that really shines on top.” She wagged her eyebrows suggestively.

Daniel grabbed her by the wrist and sighed exasperatedly. “I’m beginning to understand why the Knight Commander doesn’t want us to be alone.”

Kierana pouted her lips playfully and sulked as Daniel rubbed her head affectionately. She knew he saw her as nothing more than that six year old girl he had given piggyback rides to. While others in the Circle, both templar and mage alike, had certainly noticed Kierana’s new grownup curves, Daniel seemed utterly obvious. He still petted her and talked to her like a child. She knew there was a strict no policy on mage-templar fraternization, but she found little harm in innocently flirting the line of propriety. She knew no matter how much she wished for it, Daniel was unlikely to ever return her feelings.

* * *

Kierana was notoriously known around the Circle for causing all sorts of mischief. Thankfully, most of the templars and Senior Enchanters saw her as little more than a nuisance, no real threat or danger behind her actions--unlike another notorious mage in the tower who was renowned for being the local escape artist. Whereas Anders was constantly trying to find a way out of the tower, Kierana was constantly trying to find a way into any restricted area in the tower. The further down or higher up the room, the harder Kierana tried to slip inside. She loved to explore the tower and found that there was no better time to do so then after hours when only a few templars were permitted to walk the long, empty corridors and all mages were expected to be in their beds asleep.

Kierana waited for the footsteps to recede before she slipped out of her bed. Her bare feet were silent on the cold stone floor as she moved through the maze of bunk beds and trunks. The room was pitch black, and Kierana was grateful that the Circle did not allow the mages to move the furniture around or she would surely stub her toes in the dark. She reached the large door in a matter of seconds and waited, her ear pressed against the wood listening. Hearing nothing, she risked pushing the door open and peeked out. The hallway was empty and silent. Smiling to herself, Kierana slipped out, trying her best to make sure the heavy door did not make too much noise when it closed. Once she felt it was safe, she slipped down the corridor, making her way towards the library on the second floor.

Kierana preferred to spend most of her time in the second floor library. The library on the second floor contained more in depth and controversial books on magic and history than the shelves in the apprentice classrooms downstairs. Kierana often found her way there after hours, exploring the library and devouring the books by way of firelight.

Tonight, she was leaned up against one of the shelves in the back, using the large bookcase to block her flickering flame from view. She was halfway into a book on Tevinter magical theories when she heard the distinct steps of armored footsteps approaching. She cursed her luck and blew out the flame, disappearing into the darkness. She was on her feet in a matter of seconds, tucking the forbidden book into a crevice between the stacks.

Any books on Tevinter magic were heavily censored by the chantry or outlawed at the tower. This particular book had been smuggled in by a new apprentice. When it was found, the apprentice was severely punished and the book was confiscated by the First Enchanter. Kierana had seen it on Irving’s desk, hidden under a large stack of books. It had taken a lot of maneuvering and distraction on Kierana’s part to sneak the book out.

Kierana moved quickly as she slipped out from behind the shelves and moved towards one of the entrances to the library. She ducked out of the door and slipped down the hallway as the templar stepped inside through another entrance. She inched backwards, careful to keep her footing light and her eyes trained on the door in front of her.

Kierana froze as her back pressed up against something cold and metal. If the curve of the templar chestplate hadn’t given it away, the slight rises and falls of the templar’s chest would have. Kierana turned slowly, cursing herself for not listening for the second sound of armor. In her defense, it was rare for templars to partner up on their rounds. Kierana could only hope that this templar would be lenient in his punishment.

Kierana released a sigh of relief when her eyes landed on the perplexed face of the newest templar, Ser Cullen. He was a relatively quiet young man, with a friendly face and warm honey-colored eyes. Though Cullen, with his blonde curls, couldn’t have been more physically different than Daniel, he was just as warm and inviting and _handsome_. Rumor around the tower was that the new templar found Kierana attractive. Kierana bit back a wicked grin and did her best to smile pleasantly at the surprised templar standing before her. “Good evening, Ser Cullen. I hope this night has been treating you well,” she whispered in her sweetest voice.

Cullen’s eyes were wide as he cleared his throat. “Very well, thank you.” He paused a moment, and Kierana watched as the reality of the situation of who they were and what time of night it was dawned on him. “Apprentice Amell, you should be in your quarters sleeping. It’s well past curfew, as you very well know.”

Kierana smiled softly. Cullen was positively adorable as he puffed up his chest and tried to play the part of the obedient templar guard. “I suppose it is,” she said as she playfully tapped her fingertip against her lips. She did her best to widen her eyes to give them an innocent, childlike appearance. “I’m terribly sorry. I was having bad dreams and thought perhaps an evening stroll would help calm my nerves. Plus Senior Enchanter Wynne is giving a test in two days on healing second degree burns, and I’m quite terrible at creation spells. I was in the library studying when...well,” she motioned towards the very audible footsteps of the other templar in the library, who was no doubt patrolling the shelves and checking every nook and cranny for any truant mages breaking curfew.

Her eyes flickered back up to Cullen, praying he would let her off with just a warning. She was certain Knight Commander Greagoir must have warned Cullen about her. She was notorious for sneaking out at night and finding her way into the library. Kierana couldn’t help but wonder if the increase in patrols were due to her disobedient actions.

Cullen sighed, his eyes moving towards one of the library doors. “It’s still against the rules. I should report you to--” his voice fell at the sound of approaching footsteps. Instinctively, he reached out an arm and pulled Kierana against him, until her face was pressed against his chest.

“Ser Cullen,” Harkins said, as he made his way down the hallway, “Anything to report?”

Cullen’s eyes flickered down to Kierana as he took a deep breath and exhaled. Maker, he was a fool. “Nothing, Ser. It’s quiet tonight.”

Kierana felt her heart pounding rapidly in her chest as her cheeks grew red. This was the first time she had ever been held against a man so _intimately_. To her dismay, Daniel had grown more distant with each passing year. Now that she was eighteen, he was careful to keep any physical contact to an absolute minimum. She was utterly devastated when he refused to hug or hold her hand anymore. She knew it was Knight Commander Greagoir’s influence that kept Daniel at bay. Over the last couple of years, Kierana had seen Daniel less and less as he was called away to aid Circles outside of Ferelden. She welcomed the physical contact, letting her hands rest on Cullen’s chestplate as she felt the real world fall away and Daniel take Cullen’s place.

“Are you alright, Ser Cullen? Why are you turned away?” Harkins asked, his eyes studying the other templar with concern.

Kierana’s eyes flew open as Cullen’s arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer as he leaned forward. “It’s my stomach,” he lied, his warm eyes staring straight into hers. “I think it was something I ate.”

“Maker, go use the latrine, man,” Harkins said, shaking his head. “It was probably Ol’ Mary’s mystery stew. I told you not to eat it. The only mystery in that stew is what illness you’re going to walk away with when you’re done eating it.” He laughed as he turned and walked away, resuming his rounds.

Cullen held her a few moments longer until the other footsteps had faded. He removed his arms and took a step back, clearing his throat as he looked away. Kierana was surprised how disappointed and lonely she suddenly felt when Cullen stepped away. “You should return to your quarters,” he said, his eyes staring firmly at a distant point above her head.

Kierana smiled softly. “You’re right. I’m sorry to trouble you.”

“I’ll walk you back to your quarters,” Cullen said, waiting for Kierana to lead the way before he followed her closely from behind. She almost laughed at that. Cullen may have covered for her, but he was still a templar, and his training forbid him from leaving his back open to a mage.

The walk to the staircase was quiet, except for the sound of Cullen’s footsteps and the creaking of his armor. “So,” Kierana said, hoping to ease the awkwardness that had settled between them. “Where are you from?” Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Cullen’s lips curl up into a small smile.

“Honnleath,” Cullen replied. “It’s a small Southwestern village not far from Redcliffe. You?”

“The Free Marches originally. Kirkwall to be more specific. My mother was a noble who disappeared shortly after my little brother was born. My father, brothers, and I moved around a lot when I was little until we finally settled in Ferelden. My older brothers were all mages so they were taken to various Circles. My brother Nohlen, father, and I lived in a little hut on some farmland outside of a small village. To be quite honest, I have no idea where. I was little then and was fascinated more with fairy tales and the histories of other people than I was of my own.”

“I’m sorry,” Cullen said, his voice reflecting his genuine sympathy. “That must have been a difficult childhood.”

“My father had it worse. It’s hard enough to lose one child to magic, but to lose almost all of them? I can only hope that sweet little Nohlen was spared.” Her eyes were sad and distant, as if she were looking back into the past. Kierana shook her head to clear her negative thoughts. There was no point in dwelling on the past. “Have you any siblings, Ser Cullen?”

Cullen’s smile returned to his lips. “Two sisters and a brother. They used to tease me about my desire to be a templar. I miss them from time to time, but I must admit I do rather enjoy the peace and quiet this life brings.”

Kierana grinned. “You like peace and quiet? Then I suggest you steer clear of the apprentice classrooms. People are constantly losing control of their spells there, and there’s always a new scorch mark each week. Personally, I rather enjoy the craziness of the tower. When things get too quiet, I’m forced to find mischief to keep myself from going insane.”

“Forced to find mischief?” Cullen teased, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes, forced. Really, I do a service to the tower. I keep things from getting too bland. If the mages don’t do anything exciting, what’s the point of having the templars around? I keep you employed.”

Cullen laughed. “Well, I suppose I owe you then.”

Kierana grinned wickedly. “I can think of a couple of ways you could pay me back for all of my _hard_ work.” She laughed as Cullen’s cheeks grew red. He turned away and lifted his hand to scratch the back of his neck, blocking his face from Kierana’s view. “Don’t worry, Ser Cullen. I promise to not do anything untoward to you, unless you ask.” She wondered if she had pushed too far and decided to change the topic to something tamer. “But really, I am jealous. I barely knew my brothers. My eldest brother Rylen left for the Circle years before I was born. I was still quite young when both Philliam and Joffrey manifested their magic. According to my dad, Philliam was very serious and Joffrey was a trouble maker. I knew my youngest brother, Nohlen, the best. To me, he was perfect. He used to follow me around, and since there were no other children nearby to play with, he was my best friend until I left for the Circle.”

“Sometimes I forget how lucky I was to be able to spend time with my family. Truth be told, I’ve rarely written to them since I left. I wouldn’t know what to write about.”

“You could write about me,” Kierana suggested, watching as Cullen turned towards her in surprise. “You could tell them about how you met this incredible mage who is as troublesome as she is beautiful.” She watched as the flush on Cullen’s cheeks grew darker. “What did you and your siblings do for fun?”

“The typical games children play. Hide and seek. Snowball fights in the winter. My sister, Mia, was particularly fond of the game of chess. She was always beating my brother and I and was so smug about it. So Branson and I practiced each day until we finally beat her.”

“I’ve never played chess before. You’ll have to teach me sometime.”

Cullen nodded his head. “I think that will be okay.”

“You’re wondering if it's against the rules, aren’t you? Well, if it is, just blame me. Greagoir is always looking for something new to punish me for.”

“He’s not a bad man,” Cullen said. “He’s very fair.”

Kierana nodded her head. “I know. He’s just too serious for my liking.”

“What did you and your brother do for fun?” Cullen asked. He liked talking to Kierana and wanted to get to know her better.

“Told stories, mostly. I read a lot to my brother. My father said I was a fast learner and could read before I could walk, though I think he may have been exaggerating a bit. I’ve always loved stories and fables. My favorite is _The Doggle-Boon Behemoth_.”

“ _The Doggle-Boon Behemoth_?” Cullen asked.

Kierana’s eyes widened in surprise. “Don’t tell me you’ve never heard that story before? Maker, this problem must be fixed at once. Wait here,” Kierana said, as they entered the apprentice classrooms. She slipped down one of the stacks and disappeared into the shadows. When she reemerged, she was carrying a heavy, thick book. She handed it to Cullen who read the title in surprise. It was a book of children’s stories. His eyes flickered up and met Kierana’s.

“This was my favorite book growing up. Before I left, my father had offered to let me take it with me, but I had refused. I thought Nohlen should have it since I already had all of the stories memorized. The first time I was allowed to explore the apprentice library, I searched the shelves for this book and was so pleased when I found it. It’s a newer edition than the one we had, but the stories are the same. You should read it. _The Doggle-Boon Behemoth_ is on page 287.”

“Thank you,” Cullen said, tucking the book under his arm.

Kierana waved her hand as she shook her head. “It’s nothing, really. I suggest you read it quickly though. It’s a reference book and is not supposed to leave the classrooms. If one of the Senior Enchanters notice it's missing _again_ , they’ll come after me.”

Cullen laughed. “I will finish it as quickly as I can.”

They chatted a bit more as Cullen walked Kierana back to her quarters. She learned that Cullen knew he wanted to be a templar since he was eight years old. He started out by visiting the local chantry in Honnleath and asking the templars to teach him anything they could. They were kind enough to teach him basic sword techniques. He was offered formal training at the age of thirteen, when a visiting knight-captain noticed his determination and hard work. He was younger than most templar recruits, but was a quick learner and caught up to the other recruits quickly. Like Kierana, he was eighteen years old, and this was his first station. By the time they reached the female apprentice quarters, both Cullen and Kierana were disappointed to find their time coming to an end.

“It was nice talking to you, Ser Cullen,” Kierana said, turning to face him. “Thank you for...well...everything. I promise to not trouble you the next time I sneak out after curfew.”

Cullen sighed. “You could just not sneak out.”

“I promise to only do it when you’re on patrol. Good night,” she purred, stepping into the room and closing the door behind her.

Cullen resumed his patrol routes, his cheeks still burning red. He had been warned about the pretty mage’s talent in persuasion and manipulation. He felt like a fool for falling into her trap. Still, he had to admit that he found being around her enjoyable. She was witty and smart, and her smile and laugh could light up a dark room. He tried to ignore the sinful thoughts that popped into his head whenever he remembered holding her in his arms. Her hair smelled of roses. Her skin was soft, and the robes she wore hugged her ample curves. Maker, he paused in his tracks and immediately headed for the chantry room. He had a long night of praying ahead of him.

* * *

Kierana and Lydia giggled like school girls. One of the other mages had smuggled in an illicit smutty novel about a forbidden romance between an innocent and naive female apprentice and a young, strapping templar with a nasty lyrium addiction. Kierana and Lydia took turns reading the cheesy lines aloud, while Jowan, who was seated across the table, studying for his herb test, gripped his quill pen tightly and frowned.

“Can you two please be quiet? Some of us have a very important test to study for,” he hissed, glaring at them.

Lydia mumbled an apology as her cheeks flamed red, while Kierana scowled back. “Perhaps you should move to another table then,” she suggested.

“I was here first,” he snapped. “You two move.”

“The other tables are too close together and near where the templars patrol. We’d rather not get caught.”

“Then perhaps you two shouldn’t be reading forbidden smut in the middle of the library,” he hissed.

Kierana clicked her tongue. “You’re no fun.” Deciding it was best just to ignore him, Kierana and Lydia turned back to their contraband. “Leah raised a finger to her lips where the warm kiss of Ser Sebastian still lingered. Her other hand reached down and gripped the bottom of her robe and slowly began pulling it up her thigh. Tonight, she would think of him whenever she… Maker, what is this trash? Who does that?” Kierana laughed.

“Skip ahead,” Lydia pushed. “Find a scene with the both of them.” She stifled a giggle.

Kierana flipped through the pages until she came upon a scene that involved both Apprentice Leah and Ser Bastian. “She stood up on her tippy toes and reached for a book on the highest shelf. A warm presence at her back told her she was no longer alone. She looked up just in time to see Ser Bastian’s arm above her head, his hand reaching out for her book. Her cheeks flushed red, her focus solely on the fact that his groin was brushing against her backside. She felt him grow hard under his armor\--Maker would you really even be able to feel that?--and herself grow wet with desire. Ugh, this is terrible.”

Lydia snorted. “That’s the point, I think. But it’s kind of romantic, isn’t it? Forbidden love and stolen kisses behind bookshelves.” She sighed softly.

“You of all people know what the consequences of stolen kisses are,” Kierana warned. “Besides, it’s not like Daniel sees me as anything but a little girl.” She cradled her chin in her hands and stared off in the distant. “My forbidden love involves handshakes and head pats.”

“What about Cullen?” Lydia suggested. “We’ve all seen the way he looks at you. Perhaps you could pull him into a dark corner of the library. Then you could test out these odd positions and tell me if it's even physically possible for your body to bend that way.” She tapped to a page of the book that involved an almost acrobatic love scene.

Kierana laughed loudly, trying to picture it in her head and failing completely. Cullen was sweet, but a completely nervous wreck whenever she was around. The idea of him just taking her in the library was completely laughable. “I would consider giving it some thought if I thought the situation was at all plausible. Could you even imagine me going up to Cullen and dropping my robes and saying, ‘Take me, I’m yours.”

Kierana froze as she heard someone clear their throat behind her. She turned slowly in her chair, her cheeks growing crimson at the sight of Ser Cullen towering over her. His cheeks were flushed, and there was visible perspiration on his forehead. His eyes were cast up towards the high ceiling. “Oh, good afternoon, Ser Cullen.” Her eyes flickered to Lydia’s slightly pale face. She seemed like she didn’t know if she should panic or burst out laughing. Kierana wondered what he was doing here until she spied the thick text tucked safely under his arm. “You finished the book already? I’m impressed.”

“Yes,” Cullen said, holding the book out towards her, his eyes flickering briefly to meet hers before they looked away. “I really enjoyed _The Doggle-Boon Behemoth_ story.”

Kierana’s face lit up. “Isn’t it great? I absolutely love the rhythm in the lines.” She took the book from him and grinned. “I’m so happy you liked it.” Out of the corner of her eye, Kierana caught Jowan’s frozen form. He was terrified of templars and avoided them as much as he could. Feeling a wee bit generous, Kierana stood up. “Would you mind helping me put this book away, Ser Cullen? I’m afraid the shelf is a little too high for me to reach on my own.”

Lydia giggled before covering her mouth with her hands. Kierana shot her a look before Cullen nodded his head. “Of course.”

Kierana led the way through the maze-like shelves, pointing out her favorite books along the way. Cullen was impressed at how well-read she was. “After spending a little over eleven years of my life here, I’ve had a lot of time to read,” Kierana explained, and Cullen felt like a fool for not realizing it sooner. It was just another reminder of the differences in their stations. Kierana was his charge. His duty was to protect her from others and herself. She was part of his job, nothing more.

But Maker...whenever the corners of her full lips curled up into a coy smile, the world suddenly seemed brighter. It was as though she had reached her hand into his chest and was squeezing his heart with each laugh, joke, and banter. In Cullen’s eyes, the Maker could not have made a more perfect woman…except that whole magic bit. Cullen wondered what would have happened had Kierana been born magic-less. Would they have still met? Would he still… He shook his head clear of the thoughts. There was no point in dwelling on what if’s. The reality was she was a mage and he a templar, and any romance between them was strictly forbidden.

Kierana stopped in front a shelf, and Cullen, still caught up his thoughts, bumped into her. Kierana started to fall forward, but Cullen’s reflexes were faster now, and he reached out and wrapped an arm around her waist. The air seemed charged with some sort of electricity, and Cullen wondered if Kierana was about to cast a spell. He glanced down at her, but felt no magic emanating from her. Her soft amber eyes were opened wide, with her pink lips parted slightly in surprise. She was breathing harder, and for a moment, Cullen wondered if he could hear her heart pounding in her chest, but quickly realized the beat was his own. “I’m sorry,” he whispered against her ear.

Kierana felt her heart jump into her throat. She wondered briefly if this is how the apprentice Leah felt in the book. “It’s okay,” she whispered back, surprised (and relieved) when he didn’t immediately retract his arm. Kierana heard Cullen inhale and realized suddenly that he was smelling her hair. She was instantly grateful that she had rubbed rose petal extract in her hair before bed last night. Her cheeks were flushed red, and every cell in her body was aware of Cullen’s body pressed up against her. Maker, she felt like she was going to melt in his arms.

Cullen slowly withdrew his arm, but kept his feet firmly planted on the ground. “Where does the book go?” He asked, his voice coming out in a husky breath.

Kierana knelt down and pushed the book into a spot on one of the lower shelves. She stood back up and turned to face him; had Cullen been the same height as her, their noses would have brushed. “I lied about needing your help,” she whispered. “The others don’t feel as comfortable in the presence of a templar as I do.”

Cullen leaned forward slightly. “Perhaps, you’re _too_ comfortable.”

“Perhaps, I’m not comfortable enough… You saw the book Lydia and I were reading.”

“I’m pretty sure those types of books are strictly forbidden.”

“You should know me well enough now, _Cullen_ ,” she made sure to drop the Ser as she addressed him. “I strive for the forbidden.”

For a brief moment, Cullen forgot who he was, who she was, and where they were. He was simply a man with the urge to kiss a pretty girl. He looked down at Kierana’s soft lips and felt his body move on its own accord. Kierana, on her part, raised her chin and closed her eyes. Their lips were nearly touching when the sound of footsteps drew closer. Cullen took several steps back, his face flushed as red as a cherry. Kierana looked disappointed as she dropped her chin and stuck out her bottom lip in a pout.

Jowan appeared around the corner, his gaze shifty as he took in the scene before him. “Are you al-alright?” He stuttered, daring to glare at Cullen who, in his eyes, looked guilty of something distasteful.

Kierana sighed. “I’m perfectly fine, Jowan. Ser Cullen was just getting down another book for me.” She turned and looked at the top shelf before pointing out a thick tome on the history of Dalish lore. It was a book Kierana had read at least a dozen times. She could probably recite the entire text from memory.

Cullen cleared his threat. “Ah yes.” He stepped forward and took the book down from the shelf. He held it out to Kierana, making a point of not allowing for any skin contact. Kierana tried not take it personally as Cullen stuttered his goodbyes and left in a hurry.

Kierana glared at Jowan. “Why did you really come?”

Jowan scowled back at her. “You shouldn’t be alone with the templars. They aren’t to be trusted.”

“And you should mind your own business. I’m practically a grown woman. I can take care of myself.”

“And that’s the exact reason you shouldn’t be alone with them. At the end of the day, all templars are just men in armor, and men have _urges_.”

“As do women,” Kierana retorted. “I’ll leave you to your urges if you leave me to mine.” She brushed past him, book held tight against her chest. She was certain Cullen would be in the chantry, praying for his sins. Maker, he was going to avoid her for days now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always wished that Origins would have explored the relationship between female Amell and Cullen more. I like to think the two had more interactions than just simple greetings in the hallway.

**Author's Note:**

> After reading tons of codex and both volumes of "The World of Thedas," I finally settled on my Mage Warden's background. Due to some timeline discrepancies, I made her the fourth child rather than the eldest of Revka Amell so that she would be younger than Alistair. Kierana Amell was born in 19:11, the same year as the Hawke twins and a year younger than Alistair. Any discrepancies in the Amell history or events are a result of my determination to keep my Warden as young as she seemed in the Origin story.
> 
> I apologize ahead of time for all of the backstory. As I developed Kierana and her history, I found myself writing more about her time in the Circle than I had intended. It will be a couple of chapters until we get to the actual events of the Blight.


End file.
